Lose the Emotional Confusion....

....gain the clarity of peace.

"Clarity" is such a great word; and "clarity of peace" is even better.

Take just a moment and try to define the two phrases, "emotional confusion" and "clarity of peace." Can you see yourself in either of the two phrases or even in both? Do you prefer one over the other? Seriously.

You may be thinking, who would prefer "emotional confusion" over "clarity of peace." Plenty of folks. Just look around....you and I both know miserable people.

Anyhow, Arterburn (2007) states:

Our emotions are very much part of who we are and how we perceive the world, but all too often we give our emotions too much control in our lives. We need to get better understanding of them, so we can manage them in better accordance with God's will.

Arterburn then follows this statement with some of the main emotional states that cause us trouble. So, for the next few days, I will be making my way through these emotional states and maybe you and I will pick up a few pointers so that we will be able to see more clearly.

Lose the Negative Thoughts....

....gain a renewed mind.

Arterburn (2007) states:

Renewing the mind is different from positive thinking in that truth must be experienced from the One who is truth. [....] Although we are saved and our spirits are made new in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), our minds are still in need of renewal. Yet we cannot be free of the lies and distorted thinking on our own power. A renewed mind comes as we receive truth from Christ and deeply plant His Word in our hearts.

In 2 Corinthians 10:5 we are told to take our thoughts captive: "We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ" (MSG).

How do we live this out within the context of the continual onslaught of negative thinking at every turn these days? Just as soon as we wake up in the morning, it begins. Walk into any institution and negative thinking has won the day. So what can we do?

Well, the easiest way to lose negative thinking is to ditch the source. Actively move away from folks who are clouded with negativity. But, what if the negative thinking is from within?

I like Arterburn's idea of treating any negative thinking like spam mail on a computer. He states that "the thoughts just show up and keep on coming. As with email, the trick is not to click on the thoughts to open them. Instead, delete them instantly and avoid giving negative thoughts a foothold in your mind, because they are messengers of Satan, not God."

Lose the Unhealthy Self-Image.... (PART 2)

....gain a mental makeover.

Arterburn (2007) states:

Thoughts lead to feelings. Feelings lead to actions. Actions influence our perceptions, which then influence our thoughts. It's a vicious cycle. What we think affects how we feel, which affects how we respond. Thus, many negative feelings can be avoided by changing the thought that prompts the feeling. If, for example, I feel sad because I purposely think, "nobody cares about me," I can change my sad feelings by changing the thought to a more positive and realistic one- "God cares about me even when others don't." Because this thought is reassuring and doesn't make me feel sad, I'm unlikely to respond in a negative way.

We must RISE to a new level of thinking.

*Reduce negative thoughts and self-degrading statements.
*Increase our awareness of God and our esteem and acceptance of the bodies were were given.
*Substitute positive thoughts for negative ones.
*Eliminate errors and lies from our thinking.

Here's the deal- feelings don't lie....they are consistently aligned with some thought (barring chemical imbalances or major life traumas/circumstances). In other words, thoughts come first, and then feelings follow. While I am no psychologist, I do think that too often we are swayed and blown off course by our feelings. Arterburn's "mental makeover" then seeks to implant the ideas that we should be very mindful of the negative thinking, be aware of God's thoughts concerning us, proactively engage in more positive thinking and actively combat errors and lies in our thinking patterns.

This is good, but needs to be stronger.

Take every feeling captive that is harming us.
Understand the "thought" that is fueling the feeling.
Re-align the thought based upon God's Word.
Determine to believe and speak God's truth over the enemy's lies.

If you are tracking the acronyms....Arterburn's RISE sounds much better than my TURD. But, hopefully, mine put a smile on your face and maybe you might be inclined to activate a TURD whenever you are experiencing stinkin' thinkin'.

Lose the Unhealthy Self-Image.... (PART 1)

....gain a mental makeover.

Arterburn (2007) states:

If you struggle with negative self-image, the solution is surgery within the heart.

One important step in the process is the renewing of the mind, or changing how you view yourself, God, and others. To start, let us address these three key areas.

Body Image
In Genesis 1:26-27, God explains that we are made in His image and reflect His likeness. He declared His created design "good,".... However, we do make mistakes when we don't take care of our bodies. Eating too much food and getting too little exercise are actually abuses against the human body that are a direct result of the human will. Our bodies are not our enemies, our wills are.

Identity
Our acceptance, security, and significance are to be found in Christ. If we look to any other source for our true identity, we'll be disappointed by the result. The root of all image problems is related to identity. Our identities must be fully secure in Christ. We belong to Him, and we must not allow ourselves to be defined otherwise.

Worth
God's love for us has nothing to do with appearances or weight. We are His beloved, and we are valued and esteemed because of Him, not because of the way we look. He looks at our hearts and wants to capture them. We were bought with a price: the precious blood of the Lamb. Value is determined by how much someone is willing to pay for it. Christ obviously values each of us a great deal in that He gave His life for us.

God's Word makes it very clear that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds. Consequently, the renewing of our minds has to focus on truth. God's Word is the greatest source of truth and so it stands that we must take on God's view of our identity and worth.

Lord, help me to internalize the truth that the source of my identity is in you. Show me other sources of identity that I have relied upon. Guide me in speaking your truth into my mind.

Lose the Idolatry of the Body....

....gain a worshipful being.

Surrender... Acceptance... Confession... Responsibility... Forgiveness... We now move forward to the sixth key to loosing burdens: TRANSFORMATION.

A look forward shows the things that Arterburn believes we need to lose and gain:
1. The idolatry of the body....a worshipful being
2. An unhealthy self-image....a mental makeover
3. Negative thoughts....a renewed mind
4. Emotional confusion....clarity of peace
5. Stress....a relaxed spirit
6. Anti-exercise attitude....a livelier life

So what does Arterburn (2007) say about the first:

Your body is valuable. After all, God created it. He chose you as His, and you are a vessel for His Spirit.

Our bodies are sacred and what we do with them affects all parts of us. Our bodies are the dwelling places of the Most High God. We need to take care of them and allow them to be used for God's glory. If gluttony or sex or violence or other physical manifestation of sin is what prevents us from being used for God's glory, we need to admit it and repent from it, however painful that act may be. Transformation will only occur when we face the reality of what we are involved in.

However, our interest in our bodies can take on idol-worshiplike proportion. [....] Anything taken to excess- even the striving for a healthy lifestyle- can block a vibrant relationship with God.

We must be aware of our emotional connection to our physical bodies and discipline ourselves to keep our actions in line with God's will.

We have other needs apart from our physical bodies. We need to be safe, to belong, to be loved, to be esteemed, and to grow. When something stirs our emotions- and we feel happy, sad, depressed, angry, and the like- we may be triggered to use our bodies to respond in physical ways. We must be aware of our emotional connection to our bodies and discipline ourselves to keep our actions in line with God's will. Our emotions may tell us that our bodies need comfort- through food, sex, entertainment, whatever- but our obedient spirits must be in charge of dealing with our needs.

It appears that Arterburn is suggesting that real needs often stir our emotions and our emotions have the ability of creating an environment where we fulfill these needs through our physical being....and too often, we do so in an unhealthy manner. I can see that. The need for physical nourishment sometimes leads to gluttony. The need for true relational connection, when left unfulfilled, may lead to sexual sin or adultery. Our need to be esteemed can result in an unhealthy reliance upon others to fill this need.

But, I do especially like his statement, "our obedient spirits must be in charge of dealing with our needs." While, obviously, emotions are very important, we cannot be ruled by them nor use them to justify unhealthy actions.

Lose the Chains of Resentment....

....gain the release of forgiveness.

Arterburn (2007) states:
As we surrender our lives to God, another action becomes necessary: forgiveness.

"If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forvie you." -Matthew 6:14

Forgiveness, when empowered by God's Spirit, is a process of detaching painful events from our emotional responses to them, thus facilitating the process of healing. When we forgive, we recognize our own failures and are are humbled. To forgive and receive forgiveness are gracious acts of love. These acts have supernatural power to change both the life of the forgiven and the one who forgives. When we look at how God has forgiven us, it moves us to find a way to forgive others even if they have deeply hurt us. Only the cross of Christ makes forgiveness possible.

Forgiveness means:
*We return our rights to God (the rights we usurped from Him when we became disobedient) and invite Him to be in charge.
*We obey Jesus' instructions to forgive, and in turn we can be forgiven.
*We no longer energize ourselves with rage or hatred over events or feelings from the past.
*We stop trying to change other people and ask God to do it.
*We begin a process of restitution to right whatever wrongs we may have caused.

Releasing these burdens is powerful in the battle to change yourself. You cannot skip this step and still succeed. Take the time to examine your heart, ask God to show you if there is hidden resentment or judgment. Seek release today.

When I read Arterburn's chapter on forgiveness, I thought of another author, Bonhoeffer. Bonhoeffer distinguishes between costly grace and cheap grace in his book, "The cost of discipleship." Without going into it further, you should get a sense between the two. Now, my thoughts turned to Bonhoeffer only in the sense that Arterburn seems to be talking about costly forgiveness. I don't think that he is talking about the day to day minor offenses that we either have to forgive or be forgiven. I think he is talking about the big hurts in our lives-- the ones that we either perpetrated or the ones that we have suffered. These are the difficult ones to actually release....these are the ones that bring us waves of pain and disappointment.

Lord, let your Spirit penetrate our hearts and reveal to us what it cost you to forgive us. Help us to embrace your forgiveness so that we are empowered to forgive others. Help us to make enemies of any deep seated resentment so that we can live a life of true freedom.

Lose the Good Intentions....

....gain the tools for godly actions.

Arterburn (2007) states:

Ever notice how good intentions don't always bring success? The reality is that action is required to achieve goals.

....action must follow what we read and hear....

James 1:22-25:
Do what God's teaching says; when you only listen and do nothing, you are fooling yourselves. Those who hear God's teaching and do nothing are like people who look at themselves in a mirror. They see their faces and then go away and quickly forget what they looked like. But the truly happy people are those who carefully study God's perfect law that makes people free, and they continue to study it. They do not forget what they heard, but they obey what God's teaching says. Those who do this will be made happy (NCV).

I love this, "action is required to achieve goals." That statement is so true. Of course we have all heard the famous quote, "The road to failure is paved with good intentions." Imagine what a perfect life we would live if only good intentions created real change.

I don't know about you, but some areas of my life are marked by continual action leading to the achievement of goals while other areas simply are "paved with good intentions." So, what's the solution?

According to James, don't just listen to the Word, do what it says. So, gaining the tools for godly action is a matter of the will. It's not just a visual, auditory, or emotional proposition, it is a choice.

Lose the Urge to Indulge....

....gain self-control.

Advertisers sell immediate gratification. Their job is to persuade you to be impulsive, to give in to temptation.

To make any positive change in your life requires you to delay momentary gratification and think with a long-term perspective-- to engage in the reality of your decisions. When you are tempted to succumb to an immediate pleasure, think about the impact of this one choice in your life.

Delaying gratification is a process that involves self-control, one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

The enemy of our souls wants to discourage us from ever thinking we could have a supernatural self-control. Satan even tested Jesus in the wilderness.

Jesus' defense against succumbing to immediate gratification was to quote Scripture to His enemy. The Living Word quoted the Word. This is your model for overcoming. (Arterburn, 2007)

A life without self-control produces delayed and often destructive consequences. It's the mentality that I can do pretty much whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it....while maintaining the delusion that there will be no unintended consequences. What a disconnect from reality!

Now, we know all this, so why do we struggle so with self-control? Yes, I am talking to you....and to myself as well. It's just so much easier to spread the rumor, or eat one more cookie, or spend that cash, or whatever it is that trips you up.

Arterburn does provide some basic self-talk. He says:

Ask yourself questions like these:
*How will I feel immediately after I do this?
*How will I feel in thirty minutes?
*How will I feel about this tomorrow morning?
*Will I beat myself up over this choice?

All great questions....but even better, they reveal a powerful tactic when struggling with self-control-- think long term consequences while confronted with immediate gratification.

Lose the Excuses....

....gain acceptance of responsibility.

We are now moving into the fourth of the seven keys to loosing burdens (Arterburn, 2007).

1. Surrender: We are not God.
2. Acceptance: The Lord examines our hearts and knows us inside and out....there is no hiding from Him nor is there any reason to fear the pain of reality.
3. Confession: It's good for the soul and it includes the realization that we are created to be in relationship with God. Sadly, we fill this need, so often, with things.
4. Responsibility....

Arterburn says:

All of us struggle with blind spots in our lives, and to some degree we all live in the company of denial and self-deception. But rather than confront our area(s) of struggle and pain, we often point to others and focus on them or find alternatives to distract and anesthetize ourselves from what really needs to be faced.

Making excuses is perhaps the most common way to justify a bad habit and deal with failure. With a good excuse, guilt and anxiety about a problem dissipate.

....or so we think, but, excuses are not the answer, responsibility is.

This takes much reflection. For me, excuses slowly and silently make their way inside and become the mainstay of certain areas of my life. They can be very subtle and when not dealt with, dangerous. No doubt, we all experience excuses differently. Today, let's move toward embracing responsibility and lay aside some excuses.

Lose the Emptiness of Self....

....gain the fullness of God.

We can feel empty because of unmet emotional needs.

Our culture rarely suggests God as an answer to combating feelings of emptiness. Instead, it promotes materialism and false solutions.

The message is shouted, advertised, sold, and publicized again and again: More stuff is the answer to your longings. Empty? Get more.

The truth is that only a personal, intimate relationship with God can satisfy the emptiness we feel. We were created to want more of God. Apart from God, we won't find satisfaction.

Through community and relationships we meet our needs for love and intimacy. We cannot do it alone.

We are created to be in relationship with God....in fact, we all experience some level of emptiness without this vital relationship....you, me, the unbeliever next door....all of us.

The farther I am from God, the greater the intensity of emptiness. The greater the intensity of emptiness, the stronger the need to fill the void with "things" that ultimately fall short. This sounds like a vicious cycle that can only be relieved as I choose to move toward God. The good news is that He is always moving toward me.

So, what's been filling your void?

Lose the Sickness of Secrecy....

....gain the cleaning of confession.

[God] knows the secrets of the heart. Psalm 44:21

Once you become more comfortable identifying feelings and allowing yourself to feel them, you need to be honest about what is going on inside you. There is sickness in secrecy. The sinning psalmist said, "When I kept things to myself, I felt weak deep inside me" (32:3 NCV). When we are willing to be open, healing becomes possible. By breaking our silence and speaking the truth about ourselves to another person, we move out of the darkness and bring secrets into the light. Confessing our sins and talking about the wrongs done to us is another key to spiritual healing and health.

As we have been making our way through Arterburn's book, it is very obvious that he is writing to a specific target group: those with addictions or those who struggle with deep emotional pain. Being honest, I am struggling to really identify with each chapter. However, each chapter is filled with biblical truth that should be a part of every person's walk with Christ. For example, in this chapter, Arterburn is highlighting the cleansing power of confession. James 5:16 says, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed."

Do you like exposing your sin to another person? I sure don't. This is not natural. However, it really doesn't matter what we think. God's word says that we are to confess our sins to each other and pray. While I am a little leary about this exercise, I am going to seek out a trusting confidant today and try it out.

Lord, I know your Word is true and can be trusted, but Lord, help me to live this one out. I am not too sure about confessing my sins to another person, but since you say there is healing and wholeness in store for those who are able to do this, help me to be obedient to your Word.

Lose the Fear of Pain....

....gain the freedom of facing it.

Arterburn (2007) excerpt:

Physical pain is necessary to our functioning. It is part of God's design for our bodies because it signals there is a problem to which we should attend. Emotional pain is similar. It signals there is a problem God wants to heal. When we see emotional pain as the symptom that leads us to depend on God and turn to Him for healing, we begin to understand its purpose.

But think about the times in your life when you have grown the most. Were they during mountaintop experiences or in the lows of the valleys?

You can rely on God. He won't always protect you from horrible situations or difficult emotions, but He will always sustain and protect His children from hopelessness.

Let your emotional pain lead you to Him.

Arterburn makes a valid point: pain (physical or emotional) drives us to attend to an issue. Pain is a part of our human experience and either we embrace it and attend to the issue or we suffer a greater demise.

The best question...is your pain leading you to a greater dependence upon God or is it driving you in the opposite direction?

The moment we begin to lose the fear of pain and begin to embrace it, there is a new found freedom. It's in the process of attending where true healing can begin.

Remember, Arterburn is writing within the context of seven keys to loosing burdens....surrender was the first, acceptance is the one that covers this and the previous post. The previous post encouraged us to stop lying to ourselves and begin accepting reality. This post reminds us that pain is a normal part of life and that just like we attend to physical pain, we must also attend to emotional pain; and in so doing, freedom is the reward.

Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalm 126:5

Lose the Lies of the Past....

....gain true perspective on life.

Arterburn (2007) excerpt:

If you accept the challenge to change your life, you will have to face moments of pain from the past you might prefer be left alone, deal with relationship difficulties, and make changes in possibly all aspects of your lifestyle and habits.

Once you fully surrender the battle for change to God, you must open your eyes to reality and stop lying to yourself or making excuses.

Incredible insight concerning truth is offered by Fyodor Dostoevsky in his novel The Brothers Karamazov:

The important thing is to stop lying to yourself. A man who lies to himself, and believes his lies, becomes unable to recognize the truth, either in himself or anyone else, and he ends up losing respect for himself as well as others. When he has no respect for anyone, he can no longer love and, in order to divert himself, having no love in him, he yields to his impulses, indulges in the lowest forms of pleasure, and behaves in the end like an animal, in satisfying his vices. And it all comes from lying-- lying to others and to yourself.

The "take-away" for me as I read this chapter in Arterburn's book is the importance of laying aside delusions and attaining perspective based upon reality. A crass way of saying this is that we are prone to lie to ourselves; and, as Dostoevsky claims, there are dire consequences.

Let's bring it down to earth....For some, the lies may be that we can do things counter to good physical health and believe that we will suffer no consequences. For others, the lies may take the form of believing that no one loves us. We are all very unique beings and have very different stories. My lies are not your lies and your lies are not my lies. But what's important is that we face them squarely and seek to live our lives on truth.

If you have stuck with this post all the way to this point-- take a few more minutes and do yourself and those around you a big favor. Ask the Lord to reveal just one of your lies....think about the consequences....and commit to change your ways (or beliefs). Deal?

[By the way, if you enjoy reading this blog, share it with others. Thanks!]

Lose the Unrealistic Expectations.....

....gain real hope.
Excerpts from Arterburn (2007) What have you got to lose?:

One problem many people have with Christianity is that they are offered some false promises if they ever surrender their lives to Jesus. They are told that everything changes and happiness is the result, but this is simply not true.

Reevaluating our expectations is both necessary and an important part of accepting reality. Here are some common, unrealistic expectations to reconsider:

1. I must be perfect for God to work in me.
Holding this thought, we tend to cover up problems and be dishonest about our struggles because we think God is looking for perfection in order to work.

God sees our imperfections and is able to transform us anyway!

2. I've screwed up so many times it's just too late.
It's never too late with God.

When you accept guilt and shame from your past, you basically tell God that His sacrifice didn't matter.

[God says], "I will take your failures and build your future."

3. I can do this alone.
Perhaps this is the mother of all unrealistic expectations. God uses connections....

These first three posts all fall under the umbrella of the first key to "loosing burdens": surrender. In summary, (1) life is too burdensome trying to control everything, (2) we are unable to go it alone, and now (3) we learn that unrealistic expectations often trip us up.

Okay, I get that. But, for some reason, these things aren't sinking in. I would not for one minute claim that my life is totally surrendered to God, but at the same time I don't feel that I struggle with these truths. I mean, I know I have very little control over things....I fully accept the grace that God gives.....and I don't think that my expectations of Christianity are too out of whack. I know that God forgives me and that I don't have to be perfect for God to use me. Are you with me?

I am trying to be very honest. So, why can't I claim that my life is fully surrendered to God? How would you diagnose my condition? Come to think of it, I know very few people whose lives are fully surrendered to God. That is not a slam on my many Christian friends....this speaks more of the reality that I see. Well, how about you? How would you diagnose your aversion to a life completely surrendered to God?